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Tag: fear

This website was archived on July 20, 2019. It is frozen in time on that date.
Exolymph creator Sonya Mann's active website is Sonya, Supposedly.

Progress Is Unpredictable & Therefore Frightening

I write this newsletter because I’m scared. I’m terrified. The nature of the future is to be uncertain, and I know that I can’t change that. All I can do is prepare myself. All I can do is get better at coping with surprise. I want to be able to tackle a world based on different underlying assumptions. Maybe I won’t figure out how to do it.

I was born in the mid-1990s. When I came of age, computers were already ubiquitous and the internet was well-populated and lively. My first experience with online discourse came from the forums on Neopets. I’ve been addicted ever since. There is something incredibly intoxicating about the power to command and give attention based solely on ideas.

I didn’t witness or participate in the sea change from a world of paper to a digital universe. Sure, I lived an analogue life until about eleven, but omnipresent connection has always been available during my conscious personhood, and it started to scale up with the spread of smartphones in 2008. A world of stories and data in which you can immerse yourself whenever you wish — that seems natural to me.

What will be the next paradigm shift? The next communication medium that devastates incumbents, or the next layer of infrastructure that obviates the current stack? Virtual reality? Artificial intelligence? Wearable computers? A combination of all three? Or something that hasn’t occurred to me, something the mainstream tech companies aren’t working on?

My explicit intention with Exolymph is to explore possibilities — to evaluate trends and propose twists and turns in the human condition. I do this for selfish reasons. Sure, it’s entertaining, but as a person with last-century skills (writing), I’m desperate to anchor myself in the future. I’m hoping to build an advantage today that I can leverage tomorrow.

Step Into My Office

“Alright. Get on with answering.”

“Give me a minute to think. I didn’t expect to be asked about this at a job interview.” Gwen rubbed her ankle against the leg of her chair. The metal felt cold through her thin stockings.

Michael sat behind the big desk, arms crossed. His shirtsleeves were crumpled and pushed up to his elbows. “It’s a very simple question, and you only need ‘a minute to think’ because you want to conceal information from me.”

“I was prepared to discuss my organizational skills, not bare my soul.” She frowned at him quizzically. “This is a secretary job, right? To be honest, I don’t want to work someplace where I get the third degree for no reason.”

After reviewing her resume and asking a few questions about her past positions, Michael had demanded, “What are your secrets?” At first she thought he was joking, but he hadn’t been satisfied with a flippant answer. Michael had pressed her: “No, your personal secrets.” So now Gwen was gambling. She needed the work — well, she needed the salary — but she was reluctant to make up any deep, dark disclosures. Telling the truth certainly wasn’t possible! Hopefully being abrasively straightforward would appease him.

Michael sighed, pushing his chair back from his desk, and stood up. “Here’s how this works. Before I can hire someone, I need to know that I have leverage. I need to know that I can break you if I need to.” He looked down at her, brown eyes fixed on her face.

Gwen stood to match him. “Okay. I don’t think I’m the right candidate for your situation, and I’m going to leave now.”

Contempt came into his gaze. “You think being refurbished makes you a real woman? You think I can’t tell?”

Gwen’s breath seized up, and she felt her fight-or-flight program kick in. She started backing toward the door, hands help up instinctively in the “calm down” stance.

“Bitch, I know you were manufactured. I’m not a moron.” He took a step toward her, and snorted derisively when Gwen flinched. “I thought so. They spruce up your reactions but I can always tell a synthetic.”

“I’m sorry,” Gwen said, fumbling for the doorknob. She pulled it open and stepped into the hall, still watching him. Then she ran.

Dance Dance Self-Improvement

This weekend I’ve been playing off-brand Dance Dance Revolution with my boyfriend. He’s pretty good at it, and I’m terrible. The experience of repeatedly failing at novice-level songs has made me realize — once again — how profoundly uncomfortable I feel when I’m not good at something immediately. All those fifth-grade kickball games must have scarred me. (I’m not actually that bad at kickball, but I was petrified by the whole exercise.)

Photo by Rasmus Olsen.

Photo by Rasmus Olsen.

Typically I just don’t do things that I don’t have a knack for, like sports or friendship. But I wanted to share in my boyfriend’s joy, so I bravely stepped along to weird pop songs from the ’90s. I’m only half-joking about the “bravely” part! This sounds ridiculous given that we’re talking about DDR, but it’s legitimately scary for me to be incompetent in front of other people.

Now imagine a world where I can download skills into my brain instantaneously, a la The Matrix. After quickly skimming the training module, I can spar with the experts, no problem. What effect would that capability have on people’s character growth?

Running up against frustration and having to work through it is key to developing maturity. Life is nothing if not perpetually disappointing, and if you can’t cope with initial failure, you’ll never achieve later success. (Unless you’re a bizarre statistical outlier!) That said, the current system means that people avoid activities they’re bad at — at least weak-willed people like me, and I suspect we’re the majority.

So is there a downside to the skills-direct-to-mind idea or not?

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